InsaneJournal

Only Three - R/Hr - PG-13
Title: Only Three
Author: shocfix
Pairing: Ron/Hermione
Rating: PG-13
Words: 400

Um, inell organised a lovely sikrit community for florahart’s birthday, and this is, well, not so much for inell, as caused by her….

I hope she doesn’t mind.

And no one is allowed to complain about temporal impossibilities.

i.e. it can’t have happened in the year it is set in.


Only Three
****
Harry looked up as Ron came into their dorm and flopped down, gracelessly, onto his bed.

“What’s wrong with you?” Harry asked.

Ron grunted.

“Well?” Harry asked. “Where’ve you been, anyway?”

“The Quidditch Pitch,” Ron muttered.

Harry looked at him, then out of the window, at the howling gale.

No broom, no wet or windswept hair, no wet clothes.

“Really?” he asked, raising a dubious eyebrow.

“Oh,” Ron said, distractedly, waving a vague hand at the window and accidentally sending Trevor flying off the window seat. “Not outside; it’s a website.”

“What is?”

“The Quidditch Pitch. There are hundreds and hundreds of stories there, about us.”

“You and me, us?” Harry asked, looking worried.

“Everyone, us,” Ron said, giving Harry a significant look. “Anything you want to tell me about Malfoy?”

“No,” Harry said swiftly.

“Anyway,” Ron said heavily. “I was trying to find one about… well, um, about Hermione.”

“Why?” Harry asked, biting his cheek to stop smirking.

“Well,” Ron said, airily. “Most of the stories are really quite… dirty…” He raised his eyebrows and nodded significantly.

“And you wanted to read erotic stories about Hermione, because…”

“Not erotic,” Ron muttered. “Just… she’s…. aw, Harry, she’s just… and I…”

“Yes, I know,” Harry interrupted, realising this could go on for some time. “So, did you find any?”

“Loads,” Ron said bleakly.

“So? What’s wrong?” Harry asked. “Not enough, um, detail?”

Ron blushed. “Loads of detail, too,” he said. “There’s this woman, inell, I don’t know how she knows all this stuff, but she writes this lusty, sexy, passionate…” His hands came up to illustrate something Harry didn’t want to see.

“Well, that’s what you wanted, right?” Harry interrupted.

“No,” Ron pouted.

“Why not?”

“She has written two hundred and forty two stories, Harry,” Ron said, his voice cracking like it hadn’t done since second year. “Two hundred and forty two stories, where Hermione accomplishes every sexual act I have ever dreamt of.”

“Sounds… excellent,” Harry hazarded.

“But not with me,” Ron whispered.

“Oh,” Harry said. “So who with?”

Ron held his head in his hands. “Wvv mmm brvvvrszzz,” he muttered.

“What?” Harry prodded.

Ron’s anguished face peered up at him. “With my brothers,” he wailed. “She is penetrated in every way and performs every act you can name – usually with Charlie, or with Bill, or Charlie and Bill, or Percy, or Fred, or George, or Fred and George. But what about me, Harry?”

“Not in any them?” Harry asked gently.

“Three,” Ron pouted. “Only three.”
****


Don't be angry with me, dear inell, my poor Ron has been trailing after your Hermione, so eager to be the one to ravish her, and every time he opens the door, there is one of his brothers - beaten him to it, yet again!!