Love Is a Two-way Street - NC-17
Title: Love Is a Two-way Street
Author: shocfix
Requestor: sheepybunbuns
Claim: 'Nothing Seems to Fit'. Enthusiastic but naive, Harry and Ron ask for a bit of help from Remus.
Pairing: Harry/Ron/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All characters belong to JKR, all descriptions of genitalia are fictional, and do not refer to DJR.


Love Is a Two-way Street
****
I wasn’t a virgin.

Far from it.

Ask either of the girls I’d penetrated.

Only, don’t.

But I’d managed OK, through a combination of Seamus’ gossip and George’s magazines and Hermione’s helping hand, holding me in the right place and angling herself to accommodate me as I pressed forward.

And it seemed to work, and it was more enjoyable than Dad’s plugs and sockets speech had made out, and it fitted just fine.

Well, a girl’s bits are designed to stretch to the size of a baby.

Not that I’m claiming an erection that is four inches across; I just mean her bits were dead stretchy.

And I assume I’d have managed to muddle through OK, however many girls I slept with, their bits being intended for, well, two way access.

I just wasn’t expecting a complication.

A green-eyed complication who came into my bedroom at Grimmauld Place and sat on the bed, by my knees, and waited patiently for me to finish reading the article on the Woollongong Warriors in that month’s Quidditch Monthly.

I tossed the magazine on the floor and raised an eyebrow at him.

He looked unusually serious, and he’d been downstairs in a meeting with Remus and Kingsley, so I sat up.

“Hey,” I said. “What’s wrong? What did Remus say?”

“No,” he said. “No news. No sightings. I was just thinking about Tonks.”

I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.

“She knew what she was getting into,” I said bleakly. “And he knew he couldn’t stop her.”

“But now he’s alone, again,” Harry said. “He’s lost everyone he ever cared about, hasn’t he?”

I nodded.

“And it’s made me think about stuff,” he said.

“Stuff?”

“Stuff like I don’t want to end up like that and pushing Ginny away rather than put her in danger,” he said.

“Oh,” I said carefully. “Well, that was… I mean she was only fifteen, that was too young to be involved in the war, wasn’t it? But, you know, three years later, and, well, are you going to try again?”

“What?”

“Ginny,” I said. “That’s what you want? To let her in again?”

“Uh, no.”

“Help me out here,” I said. “Remus is alone and you are alone and…”

“I don’t want to be alone,” he explained.

“No,” I said. “’Course not. I guess no one does. S’why me and Hermione kept trying, wasn’t it? Didn’t want to admit defeat and be alone.”

He nodded.

“So,” I prompted. “Do you just generally not want to be alone, or are you asking me for help to get into some bird’s knickers?”

“Neither. Not exactly. There is a… someone. Ish. But I’m not... or, rather, I haven’t.”

He huffed.

“Oh,” I said. “It’s an ‘I don’t want to die a virgin’ thing.”

He rolled his eyes. “I guess that comes closest, yes,” he said. “Seeing as we’re gonna die very soon.”

“Well, how can I help?” I said. “Should I… have a word with Hermione?”

“No!”

“I don’t mean ask her to deflower you,” I protested. “I mean ask her for advice.”

“I didn’t think you meant ask her to deflower me!” he squeaked. “I meant I don’t want her advice.”

“Right,” I said. “Sorry. But. I’m not actually looking forward to dying, you know, just because I’ve done it. With a girl.”

“I know that,” he said. “I don’t mean I’d want to die if I did it with a girl. Except.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Except that I don’t want to do it with a girl; I want to do it with a boy.”

My other eyebrow flew up so quickly it overtook its companion.

“Oh,” I croaked.

“So, not, I… with a girl… well, no, not die… I wouldn’t want to die, but I’d. Well, eww. I wouldn’t enjoy…”

“So,” I said weakly. “Do you just generally want a bloke, or are you asking me for help to get into some bloke’s boxers?”

His babbling trailed off.

“Some bloke,” he said in a small voice.

“Ah,” I said. “Well, that’s not my field of expertise, but you know I’ll help. Who are we after?”

He gave me a long-suffering look.

“Do you really think I’d come to you and ask for your help in seducing some bloke?” he asked.

“Well, it’s not something I’d ever imagined, no – but what else d’you want?”

“You,” he said simply.

My eyes stood out on stalks.

Well, not literally, although Fred and George have just brought out Elongated Eyeballs, which would have come in handy.

“Me?” I murmured.

“Remus lost everyone he ever cared for and it made me think about what it would be like if I ever lost you or Hermione and I would just die and I had to let you know how I felt.”

“Maybe you’ve got our speeches mixed up?” I suggested. “Maybe you meant to tell me I’m a great mate and tell Hermione you want to ravish her.”

His shoulders slumped.

“No,” he said quietly, turning away.

I caught hold of his arm before he could leave.

“Wait a minute,” I said.

“You’re not interested,” he said. “I won’t mention it again.”

“I hate it when you do that!” I snapped.

“Do what?” he asked.

“Ignore something important. You can’t announce something like that and then say ‘forget it’.”

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“Fine,” I said. “Just give me a chance to get my head round it, OK?”

“You’re not gonna be able to talk yourself into fancying blokes,” he said.

“Pffrttt,” I said. “Depends on the bloke.”

He laughed nervously.

“But you’ve never…. I mean, you…. Hermione…” He sighed. “You like girls.”

“I fancy girls,” I admitted. “But I’m not averse to blokes. I could have fancied Oliver, if I’d wanted to.”

“If you’d wanted to?” he echoed weakly.

“Well, there wasn’t any point,” I explained. “Seamus and Dean went on and on about Katie on a broom and you were all over Cho. If any of you’d’ve crushed on Oliver, I could have joined in.”

He blinked at me.

“How… helpful of you,” he said.

“So,” I said brightly. “If I could go for a bloke, well, you’re my favourite bloke, aren’t you?”

He managed a very small smile and I grinned back.

“So,” I said. “What d’you wanna do about it?”

“I,” he flushed. “I hadn’t thought any further than telling you and hoping you didn’t hit me.”

“Which is clearly why you leave strategy up to me,” I pointed out and he laughed.

“You’re in charge of my love life and defeating Voldemort,” he said.

“Well…. Dumbledore always said you’d need love to defeat him…”

“What do you suggest?” he said, smirking.

“I doubt he’d survive me shagging you in the middle of the Great Showdown.”

He swallowed, audibly.

“What d’you… what shall we do?” he said in a small voice.

I narrowed my eyes, deciding on our strategy.

And then I pounced, bearing him back onto the bed and pinning his legs with one of mine.

“How different can it be?” I asked, leaning down to nip at his bottom lip. “I know you know how to kiss, because my sister taught you.”

I smothered his indignant reaction with an open mouthed kiss.

He opened up completely under my onslaught, which was interesting, and we snogged wetly for ages.

Finally, propping myself up on an elbow, I looked down at him; he blinked blearily up at me, his glasses having been discarded at some point, his eyes unfocussed.

“Something like that,” I said smugly.

“Works for me,” he gulped, sliding his hands up inside my shirt.

I dived in for another kiss, loving the feeling of our stubble rasping against each other, at the desperately hard kisses I hadn’t been able to exchange with Hermione.

“S’good,” he muttered. “More.”

We kissed and groped and struggled out of clothing until I found myself grinding my aching cock against his hip and pulled back to check if this was OK.

“Is this too fast?” I asked. “Took months of negotiating to get naked with Hermione.”

“Not too fast,” he said.

“I knew blokes’d be easier.”

“Are you calling me easy?” he asked, pressing up against me.

“Oh, yes,” I said, and my mouth closed on his neck as my hand closed on his cock and we rocked and grunted and saw stars.

Afterwards, you’d have expected it to be awkward, but we’d been through far worse, together, and Harry reached for his wand and cleaned us up and we burrowed under my covers and napped.

The awkward came later that evening.

Not the waking up together; I raised my eyebrows and Harry sniggered and we fell upon each other, again.

God, it really was easier with two blokes. No negotiations, no excuses for trying to grope a breast, no compliments and flattery and crap like that.

Just touching and kissing and stroking and laughing at the unexpected places come could get into.

But that was when it got awkward.

Not… emotionally awkward, like with a girl.

We decided to find out just where we could get come into, and it got physically awkward.

Harry was lying on his back, with his legs spread, and I was kneeling over him.

His hands were buried in my hair as he pulled me down for a kiss and I am taller than him and my cock slid between his legs and nudged against his arse and he moaned into my mouth and opened his legs further and I rocked backwards and forwards and all this rubbing and snogging was all very well but I wanted to fuck him.

And I was even more at sea than I had been prodding at Hermione’s privates.

“Harry,” I murmured. “Wanna… can I…?”

“Hmmm?”

“Inside you.”

His eyes opened wide and he gulped and nodded frantically.

“I dunno how,” I said. “Tell me what to do. You’re the one who likes blokes.”

He laughed nervously.

“I don’t know,” he said. “You just… in my…”

“Well, I know where,” I interrupted. “But it just seems… unlikely.”

“Too… filthy?”

“Nah, filthy’s hot – just how does it fit? That’s usually more of an, um, one way street.”

“And love is a two-way street,” he said, nodding solemnly and trying not to laugh.

I sniggered.

“Worried about on-coming traffic?” he asked.

“Well, I am now,” I complained, sitting back between his legs and looking down at him, sprawled in front of me. “I was more worried about hurting you.”

“Reckon it would spoil the mood if we stopped and found a book?” he asked.

“Or some advice.”

“If you are suggesting we go to Hermione and ask her about my arse…”

“No!” I protested. “Harry! I just meant… Remus is staying here, tonight.”

He wrinkled his nose, adorably.

“Not really a proxy godfathery question, either.”

“I didn’t mean as your dad’s friend.”

“Not really a teachery question, either.”

I huffed.

“I meant because he’s…” I trailed off.

“He’s what?” Harry asked.

“Well, he’s done it, hasn’t he?”

Harry boggled at me.

“How the hell would you know something like that?” he demanded.

“I. Um. I saw him. With Sirius. That summer, before you got here.”

Harry blinked.

“And you never told me?” he asked, looking offended.

“Look, it wasn’t a subject I was able to bring up, plus you wouldn’t stop shouting at me,” I complained. “And that’s all water under the bridge, now. My point is, he’s in his room, let’s go and ask him to show us how it works.”

Harry’s eyes opened wider than I’d ever seen and he choked.

“Show us?”

I shrugged.

“We’re not Hermione,” I pointed out. “We both learn better from practical lessons than from books.”

Harry snorted.

“You are… insane,” he said.

“So, shall we?” I asked, holding out a hand to haul him up.

“Now?”

“No time like the present,” I said. “When d’you reckon’s a better time to ask an old friend to have sex with us?”

Harry got up and reached for his shirt.

“He is gonna laugh in our faces,” he said.

“Or possibly come in them,” I suggested, not bothering with boxers and stepping back into my jeans.

Harry gasped.

“I have created a monster,” he said faintly.

“Weasleys are all highly sexed,” I said, leading the way out the door. “’Cept Perce. And I don’t wanna know about Ginny.”

We went up a floor, to Remus’s room and Harry straightened his shirt and smoothed down his hair and knocked.

“Come in,” a voice called and Harry’s hands were in fists at his sides, so I turned the handle and we went in.

Remus was sitting in an armchair, wearing a shabby robe and reading a large book.

He smiled at us.

“A bit late for a social call,” he said. “Is anything wrong?”

Harry opened his mouth and closed it again, with a snap, defeated.

“Harry?” Remus said, frowning slightly.

“We need some advice,” I said firmly and Remus took out his wand and conjured a couch at the opposite side of the fire.

“I’m honoured that you came to me,” he said. “Although I am the only other person in the house.”

I laughed and Harry managed a weak grimace.

We sat down and Harry slumped in his corner of the couch.

“Advice about…?”

“Sex,” I said.

“Oh,” he said. “Well, that was unexpected. You haven’t got to nineteen without having the Talk, have you?”

“No!” Harry said.

“’Course not,” I said. “Insert Tab A into Slot A. Repeat until Tab A collapses.”

Remus laughed.

“I hope you didn’t talk like that in front of Hermione,” he said.

“It’s just that we,” I glanced at Harry, “we wondered about inserting Tab A into Slot B.”

Remus gasped and Harry groaned and put his head in his hands.

“What?” I protested. “That’s better than saying I don’t know what to do with your arse.”

“I, um,” Remus sat up straighter and rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous hand. “I didn’t realise that the two of you were… involved.”

“That’s because it only happened today,” Harry said, between his fingers.

“And you’re sure you want to have actual intercourse already?” he asked. “Wouldn’t it be better to take things a bit slower?”

“Not when we could die at any moment, no,” I said and Harry looked up and glared at me.

“Fair point,” Remus conceded. “And you’ve come to me because…”

“We know about you and Sirius,” I said apologetically.

“Ah,” he said. “Well, this is an evening for unexpected announcements.”

“That’s just a bonus,” Harry said. “It’s a good thing that someone we know and trust also knows all about it.”

“Well, yes, I could take you to ‘Blotts’ for a book,” Remus said.

“Or, you could just take us to ‘bed’ for a fuck,” I suggested brightly.

Luckily, they both laughed.

“That’s your idea of seducing someone, is it?” Harry asked, shaking his head in exasperation.

Remus stopped laughing.

“You’re serious?” he asked.

“We thought you might go for a more hands on approach,” Harry said. “You always were a very practical teacher.”

“And you want me to…”

“Show us what to do,” I said. “So I don’t make a total arse of myself.”

“Well,” he said, getting to his feet. “Picturing myself as a very old man, I suspect I’d regret not taking you up on your offer, more than I’d regret taking you up…”

“The arse,” I interrupted and Harry yelped.

“Have you tried oral sex, yet?” Remus asked, leading the way over to the large bed.

“Um, no,” Harry admitted.

“It’d be a very effective way of shutting him up,” Remus said.

He shrugged his robe off, revealing a slender, muscley, scarred torso.

“Not exactly love’s young dream,” he said, looking a bit uncomfortable.

I undid my shirt and struck a pose, showing off my brain scars.

“Neither of you are gonna win a scar contest,” Harry said.

We laughed and carried on undressing; when we were all naked, I wrapped my arms round Harry from behind and rested my chin on his shoulder.

He sighed happily.

“Now what?” I asked.

“We could shut up that clever mouth,” Remus suggested.

“No point, he always talks with his mouth full, anyway,” Harry said.

I let my hand run down his body and wrap round his cock. It was at a perfect angle to touch him and he was hot and heavy as he stiffened in my hand.

“That really depends on what I have in my mouth,” I assured him.

Remus sat on the side of the unusually high bed and watched me stroke him.

Harry’s head was tipped back on my shoulder and my other arm was round his waist and he was making fantastic, needy noises. And Remus batted my hand out of the way and leant down and took Harry in his mouth.

“Fuck, yes,” Harry moaned, sagging in my arms as his legs trembled.

“He’s heavier than he looks,” I complained. “Can we move to the bed?”

Remus hummed agreement and let Harry’s cock go with a pop.

Harry’s murmur of protest was stifled as I sprawled on the pillows and pulled him down to lie between my legs, his shoulders against my chest, my cock sandwiched between us.

I petted him as Remus knelt before us and engulfed Harry’s cock once more.

I admired his hollowed cheeks and bobbing head and I held Harry in my arms as he writhed and Remus drew his orgasm from him.

Afterwards, I held a sated, boneless Harry Potter and we both admired our handiwork.

“I dunno about being born for this prophecy crap,” I said, watching Remus kneeling and slowly wanking between our spread legs. “But he was certainly born to have sex – he looks fantastic this debauched.”

“Fucking,” the Sexy One muttered.

“OK, born for fucking,” I said, brushing his sweaty fringe out of his face. “I was trying to use words Hermione would.”

Harry sniggered.

“No,” he murmured, shifting against my cock. “We’re here for fucking, don’t forget.”

“Well, you’re not likely to fuck anyone,” I said, my eyes shifting from his dozing cock to Remus’s aching erection.



“Let’s get down to lesson number two, shall we?” Remus said.

“Absolutely.”

We both looked at his cock.

“I may be wrong,” he said. “But I’m pretty good at the territorial thing, and I suspect you want to be the first to fuck him.”

“I do,” I said, holding him close. “I really do, but I don’t want to muck it up, which is why we’re here.”

“Harry?” he said, and Harry cracked an eye open. “Do you mind me fucking Ron?”

Harry pulled my arms tighter around him. “Not s’long’s’I c’n watch,” he said.

“Is that OK?” Remus asked me.

“That sounds… good,” I said, swallowing nervously.

We turfed the Sleepy One out of my arms and I wriggled lower on the pillows, tugging on my cock as Remus knelt between my spread thighs.

“I can prepare you with a Charm or with my fingers,” he said. “Which would you prefer?”

“Smooth talker,” Harry muttered, curling up beside me. “Always thought y’could charm your way up someone’s arse.”

“Fingers,” I said firmly. “We want to do this properly.”

“Good boy,” Remus said. “I always find fingers are more intimate. And that’s the only way you can do it with a Muggle, anyway.”

“I’m not likely to sleep with a Muggle,” I said. “They wouldn’t be Harry.”

Harry kissed me.

“Right,” Remus said. “Touch yourself while I do it.”

He reached for a jar on his bedside table and schlooped out a double fingerful of lube. While I stroked myself and Harry nuzzled and kissed my neck and chest, Remus’s fingers slid between my cheeks and circled my hole.

I caught my breath as one entered me, but his other hand rose to cup my balls and I hummed and relaxed and he slid deeper.

Soon, I had two fingers inside me, slowly fucking and stretching me with every thrust, and I was moaning and panting and Harry was watching, wide eyed.

“You’d better stay on your back, if you want to see me,” Remus said. “So let’s move you to the edge of the bed.”

I grunted in reply and wriggled down ‘til my arse was on the very edge and Remus stood before me, pressing down on the backs of my thighs to open me up to him.

His cock bobbed at perfect arse height and I spared a moment to admire his unusually high bed and make a mental note to organise one for me and Harry.

“Hold your legs up,” he said and I hooked my hands behind my knees as he held my cheeks apart with one hand and guided his cock to my entrance with his other.

“Relax,” he murmured as he pressed forward. I gasped as the head of his cock stretched me and moaned as he slid inside.

It hurt, but somehow in a good way, and his eyes fluttered closed as he moved and I though the awestruck look on his face couldn’t be beaten until I turned my head to look at Harry.

Harry was watching Remus’s cock with huge eyes, his jaw literally dropped open.

“Ron?” he whispered. “Is it… does it?”

“S’good,” I gaped. “Full… feels… really good.”

“Touch him, Harry,” Remus said, his hips snapping back and forth as he … he fucked me.

Fucked me.

Fucked.

Fuck.

Harry moved closer and I felt his hand on my cock and I arched off the bed, whimpering.

“Oh,Harry,” I moaned. “HarryHarryHarryfuckyespleaseneed…”

“Need you, too,” he said, turning to kiss me, his hand still stroking my cock.

“Sit astride him,” Remus said quietly.

“What?” Harry said, against my lips.

“Astride,” Remus murmured.

Harry let go of my cock and slid one leg over my body, his arse nestled against my aching cock, his hands resting either side of my head as he leant down to kiss me.

I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him desperately as Remus’s cock pounded into me.

Suddenly Harry gasped and his eyes flew open.

“What?” I asked.

“Is that OK?” Remus asked.

“What?” I demanded.

“His fingers… inside me,” Harry moaned, his arse rising automatically into the air as Remus fingered him and letting my trapped cock bob free.

Remus thrust into me and stilled.

“Harry?” he murmured, pressing my cock between Harry’s cheeks.

“Yes,” Harry said and I watched his face as Remus held me open for him and Harry slowly lowered himself onto my cock

Four hands rose to stroke him as he trembled, his eyes locked on mine.

“You OK?” I asked.

“Minute,” he muttered, breathing through flared nostrils.

“He’s fine,” Remus said, his hand running down Harry’s spine. “Just think of the Patronus he’ll produce with this memory.”

Harry laughed and his body tightened around me and I moaned.

“Yes, Harry,” I said. “Can’t wait to see Dementors fleeing from my cock.”

“I meant a powerful Patronus,” Remus complained, surging into my body and pulling down on Harry’s hips to impale him further on my cock.

“But I thought Patronuses can change after an emotional experience?” I moaned, watching Harry’s face contorting as he moved over me.

“Into a different animal,” Remus growled, thrusting harder and pressing against something inside me that made me gasp and see stars. “Not a cock.”

“Normal rules never apply to Harry,” I said, tangling my hands in his hair and reaching up to kiss him.”

“An animal,” Remus said sternly, his rhythm breaking down as he jerked and came inside me.

“Maybe it’ll be a cock, chicken cock,” I said, “and it’ll crow when he comes.”

“Concentrate, Ron,” Harry protested.

“Was it the cry of your cock that killed the Basilisk?” I asked.

“I was twelve,” he said. “Now, just shut up and fuck me!”

Remus withdrew from my arse and slumped on the bed beside us and Harry rose up on his knees as I wriggled far enough up the bed to plant my feet on the mattress and thrust up into him.

His eyes opened wide and he started moving, rocking above me and meeting every thrust.

And I touched him and watched his face and marvelled at the heat and feeling of being inside him and I grabbed his arse and held him still and thrust hard and came.

I blinked him back into focus to see him watching me with a rather smug look on his face. He leant down for a kiss and my cock slipped out of him and he moaned and rolled clumsily off me.

“Fucking brilliant,” I muttered, pressing a kiss to his sweaty shoulder. “Ten out of ten.”

“Well? Remus?” he asked. “How did we do?”

“I’d give you a nine point eight,” Remus said. “You fluffed the dismount.”