InsaneJournal

Threesome - R/Hr - PG-13
Title : Threesome
Author : shocfix
For : tarie
Pairing : Ron/Hermione
Prompt : Spreading the holiday cheer, Ron invites Viktor over for...something possibly naughty.
Rating : PG-13
Words : 644an
Warning : uh… almost nothing in your prompt actually happens! It’s sort of, implied…. Merry Christmas!


Threesome
****
“I have, too,” Ron spluttered. “Don’t you tell me you know more about my fantasy life than I do.”

I sighed and took another sip of my wine.

“Ron,” I said carefully. “I know you were uncomfortable when you found out that Seamus was gay, and I know for a fact that you have never had sexual thoughts about another man.”

“Shows how much you know,” he muttered into his whiskey. “You’re my wife, not my… sexual thingy.”

“Thingy?”

He gestured vaguely. “Gland, lobe, nodule, thingy.”

I rolled my eyes.

“The thing is,” he said fiercely. “If I tell you I once had explicit sexual thoughts about another bloke, well, then, you have to believe me.”

“When?” I asked.

“Huh? At school.”

“Harry doesn’t count.”

“What?” he gasped. “Harry? I never thought anything… Harry? Are you insane? Harry?”

“OK,” I said carefully. “I think you protest too much, but fine, not Harry.”

“’Course not Harry,” he mumbled mutinously.

“Then who?” I demanded. “Who made such an impression on you at school that you have never mentioned it in all the years I’ve known you? Whose… bottom figured so prominently in your fantasies that you would consider accessing it.”

He glared at me.

“Vktr,” he muttered.

“Excuse me?”

“Viktor.”

“Krum?”

“Well what other Viktors did we know at school?”

He flushed and looked away.

I watched him fiddling with the seam of his jeans and my mind raced.

“Was that why you were so…”

“I wasn’t jealous!” he interrupted. “It was just… Quidditch players don’t count, it wasn’t like it was… Harry, or something, and he was Krum… and then he fancied you, which was ridiculous…”

“Thank you, Ron.”

“’Cos you were far too young for him, which meant I was even younger,” he babbled, “and I did realise you were a girl, which I really, really wasn’t, so I was nothing. Nothing.”

He pouted and took a large swallow of whiskey and choked.

“So,” I said carefully. “When you were fourteen, you fantasised about Viktor?”

“How many times am I gonna have to admit this?” he asked.

“I just want to get things straight,” I said primly.

“Ha, bleeding ha,” he muttered, but I ignored him.

“And that same year I was fantasising about you and Viktor?”

He blinked.

“Really?”

“Is that so hard to work out?” I asked. “You know I liked you; and you know I dated Viktor.”

“Hmm.”

“I just never realised you’d be up for it.”

“Up?” he said, frowning nervously. “Up for what?”

“A threesome.”

He choked without the benefit of whiskey.

“Hermione!” he finally gasped.

“What?”

“A… you know.” He nodded significantly.

“Threesome?”

“Yeah.”

“I said I was fantasising about you and Viktor.”

“But you didn’t mention you meant at the same time!”

His eyes were wild and he ran a finger round the collar of his shirt, pulling it away from his neck as if it were choking him.

“Well, not at the same time at the time,” I said. “I doubt Viktor could see your hidden depths the way I could.”

“What depths?”

“Well, exactly,” I said and he frowned. “When you were fourteen you were made up mainly of knees and elbows.”

“Thank you, Hermione.”

“But I loved you anyway,” I said comfortingly. “I just don’t think you’d have been Viktor’s type.”

He grunted.

“But now…”

I bit my lip and flushed.

“Hermione?”

“Well, now, he…” I swallowed and tried to look nonchalant. “Why don’t we have him over for dinner?”

I blinked to dissolve the image of Viktor, naked and trussed on a large serving dish.

Ron made a strangled noise.

“You cannot be suggesting,” he gaped at me.

“Just dinner,” I shrugged.

“And who’s for desert?”

“It’s just, well…”

“What?” he asked nervously.

“I know who he did fancy, fourth year.”

“Yeah,” Ron said. “You. Even I noticed that.”

“And Bill.”