Witness - R/Hr - R
Title: Witness
Author: shocfix
Pairing: Ron/Hermione
Rating: R
Word Count : 1632

Dear, darling, magicofisis, I didn’t miss your birthday so much as just not have writing time, and I put off posting birthday wishes in the hope that I’d squeeze out a small bunny.

It’s now too late to pretend I’m merely late, but I have been bitten by a cracky bunny.

I doubt you want Ron/Hermione for your birthday, but here I go.

Remember how desperate we were that Harry witness Ron and Hermione's first kiss, or we'd miss it?


Witness
****
No one in the history of sexual conquest took longer to actually get together than my Ron and his girl. Anyone with half a brain expected it to happen for years and years, but there was always something getting in their way.

People used to ask me what was going on, between them, but I was never quite sure; yes, I thought there was something there from about fourth year – I even saw her ask him out in sixth year, before he messed things up. They took things very, very slowly, the whole time we were in that effing tent, and then she kissed him. A real, caveman and cavewoman, red blooded snog. Yes, I was the only witness, but I'm a pretty reliable witness, and Ginny believed me.

Over the summer they were in almost constant physical contact, as we lazed round the Burrow, licking our wounds, and we saw hugs and soft kisses.

So, we were pretty sure they were officially together. I spent a lot of time licking… other things and being educated about Ginny's moist places, and, while whatever Ron and Hermione were getting up to wasn’t actually top of my list of priorities, I assumed they must have been pretty much keeping pace with our discoveries, even if I pictured Hermione as some sort of Barbie doll, with no female areas to explore.

I never actually asked Ron about what they did; not only did I not want to know, but I really didn't want to have to reciprocate. Come to think of it, he did look hot and bothered a lot, when he came up to our room, but I wasn't gonna say 'doesn't Hermione let you get your leg over?' was I?

I wasn't prepared for the conversation that happened one hot, summer night.

I had snuck out of Ginny's room, leaving her sweaty and half-smiling, and climbed the stairs to our attic bedroom. Knocking softly, I cracked open the door, hoping I didn't see anything mind scarring.

Hermione was sitting cross legged on Ron's bed, in pink pyjamas, and Ron was pacing up and down the gap between our beds.

"Um?" I said eloquently, closing the door behind me. "Should I?"

"We were waiting to see you, Harry," Hermione said softly, catching Ron's arm as he prowled past. He grunted and sat beside her, peering at me through his overlong fringe.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting on my camp bed and looking back and forth, between them.

"Nothing," Ron said.

Hermione snorted. "You're happy like this, are you?" she asked him.

He shrugged one shoulder and pouted.

"The thing is, Harry," she said. "Ron and I have been a couple since May, and we're of age, and no one would be shocked if our relationship had progressed. Physically."

"Absolutely," I said. "I'm unshocked."

"I said 'if," she said.

"Right," I said. "Um… what?"

"Our relationship has not progressed, " she said.

I looked at Ron and he looked down at his hands.

"So," I said slowly, "you want me to deny the rumours that you're shagging? Fine. It's nobody's business, really, is it? Rotten of people to just assume…"

Ron snorted. "I'm perfectly happy for people to assume we can't walk straight because I keep her up half the night," he said.

"Ron!" Hermione protested.

"But, unfortunately," he went on, "we can't walk straight from sexual frustration."

I blinked.

"Then, um," I said. "Why aren't you doing it?"

"Because…" Hermione started.

"…I just respect her too much, OK?" Ron interrupted. "Just like you with my sister, and we just wanted you to know how much we respect the way you respect her."

I licked my lips, nervously, tasting something on them that Ron, apparently and luckily, wouldn’t recognise. Even if he kissed me; which he wouldn't.

"Ron, shut up," Hermione said firmly. "You agreed to tell him."

Ron made a strangled noise.

"The thing is, Harry," Hermione said earnestly. "We really would rather like to progress, physically, but it seems we are unable to do so, unobserved."

"You think you're being spied on?" I asked, baffled.

Ron grunted. "We can't do it unless you're here," he muttered.

"Wha?" I gasped.

"We can't do anything new, unless you're here, to… witness it," Hermione explained.

"You're barmy," I exclaimed.

"How many times did I try to ask her out?" Ron demanded. "All the times we were alone, together, doing prefect stuff, or while you were doing Horcrux stuff, with Dumbledore. I waited and waited until you'd left the room, and, as soon as you did, I didn't know what I wanted to say."

I blinked at him.

"Me, too," Hermione said. "I tried and tried asking him to Slughorn's party; I so didn't want to ask in front of you, but that was the only way I could get my words together."

"That's a coincidence," I spluttered.

Ron shook his head.

"I knew what I wanted to ask her, once I got shot of Lavender, and I tried, I did, every time you and Ginny were off doing I don't wanna know what, but I got muddled," he said sadly. "Even the stuff from The Book; I read it and I knew when I should touch her, comfort her, but I didn't know where to put my hands, and then you got to the Burrow, and I could put my arms round her, no problem."

"That'll be because… well, because it was less of a 'move', if I was there," I said helplessly.

"No," Hermione said. "Do you know how desperately I wanted to kiss him? He was so fantastic about getting the basilisk fangs and I was aching to kiss him, but all I could do was hang on his arm and babble on about how wonderful he was. It wasn't until we found you, that I could do it."

I swallowed.

"No," I said. "I've walked in on you kissing loads of times, this summer."

Ron nodded.

"Once you've witnessed something, we get the hang of it," he explained.

"We tested it, Harry," Hermione said seriously. "We wouldn't just dump it on you, otherwise."

"Tested?" I echoed. "How?"

"Ron really wanted to touch my chest," she said, blushing faintly.

"Really, really wanted," Ron muttered.

She huffed.

"And he tried, but he simply couldn't and he even asked if it'd be OK, and I said it would be perfectly OK, but he physically couldn't."

"Bloody scary," Ron said. "Watching my hand suspended there, not taking instructions."

"Right," Hermione said. "And not terribly flattering. And I babbled something about not rushing things and Ron was getting angry and I said well, maybe your bloody hand would work if Harry was in the room, and well."

"Well?" I prompted.

"Well, I said I reckoned I couldn't make a move without you there," Ron said, shrugging and rubbing the back of his neck with one large hand. "Not in a weird way. Just, every time we've moved things forward, it's been with you there."

"And I said I'd noticed it, too," Hermione said, "so, next time the three of us were listening to the wireless, Ron slid his hand up my shirt and it worked beautifully."

"Nipple and everything," Ron confirmed.

"Wow," I said weakly.

"And we've tried and tried to go further, and, well," Hermione said.

"Well," Ron said, nodding significantly. "I'm gonna burst soon, mate, no joke."

"Well," I said. "Well, well, well."

We looked at each other and Ron shrugged.

"So," I said slowly.

"So," Hermione said, sitting up straighter and not looking like she was going insane. "We'd really, really like it if you could just go to bed, like you were going to, really, just lie there…"

"…while we fuck," Ron interrupted.

"…if you don't mind," Hermione finished. "And you don't actually have to watch, because you didn't notice him squeezing my breast, did you?"

"Right," I said. "No, no I didn’t."

"And then," Ron said brightly, "I reckon we'll be good to go; we won't need you every time; we've managed tons of snogging and boob stuff on our own."

"Unless you want to try something new," I pointed out, feeling rather light-headed.

"I think we'll be covered if we run through a selection of foreplay techniques, before penetration," Hermione said and Ron groaned and flopped backwards on his bed, his arm across his face.

But he wasn't as miserable as he was making out, because there was definitely something interested in his pyjamas.

Interested in Hermione, inside his pyjamas, not interested in his pyjamas - they weren't interesting.

"Well," I said, for the hundredth time. "If you really think it'll help. We've gone through worse things, for each other, right?"

"Worse than sex, yes," Ron muttered.

I laughed and shrugged and Hermione smiled and blushed and Ron reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her down on top of him and I turned away.

Climbing into my bed, I lay facing the wall, half listening to them running briskly through a wide range of foreplay, half thinking about what they'd said. Part of me was embarrassed at having had to witness Hermione asking him out, see them getting closer, watch their first kiss; but part of me sort of thought that if I hadn't seen it, I'd have missed it.

Obviously, yeah.

I mean, I'd waited for a long time for them to get together, and I would have hated to have missed the big moment.

So, I tuned out their muffled slurping noises and whispered instructions, I grinned at their simultaneous gasps of amazement, I bit my lip at how swiftly that was followed by Ron's moan of ecstasy.

I smiled at their 'thank you, Harry" and fell asleep, dreading the conversation if they ever wanted to try anal.